1.24.2011

Rest In Peace T.

I just posted something about love doubts, jealousy and other human frivolities. In the meanwhile I was thinking about something a little deeper... 
Just heard that my first crush passed away (I always used the word "died", but the crush itself died many years ago). It seems he's been sick for a while. He was thirty now... That's how time went by. I don't feel sad or anything, I just feel powerless. It's scary how people we once knew die like this. For me, it was all of a sudden. And I was sitting here, worried about someone who may or may not love me... I guess it doesn't matter anyway... people appear in our lives for some reason and they leave something of them with us, even if they were only a pre-teenage crush. Everyone who stopped by my path, or, to be more precise, walked by my path gave me something that I ended up keeping. Many of those people may not be aware of this, but they made me as I am, with their positive and negative contributes they built me, with my strengths and weaknesses. And I should be thankful because I was able to learn from everyone I met, even if it was implicitly and I just realized it many years later.
T., I confess I still think of you when I listen to the song that I was listening to on that afternoon, when I kept mentally repeating "turn your head, turn your head and look at me" and you did it. That will always be your song. And you deserve it (it's not an angry song, by the way, it's a sweet one). See you somewhere in a better place

questions

I question myself about what I feel about you. I guess I only keep doing it because I'm too scared of the answer. Please don't lie to me... The answer is in your actions. I want to trust you, but something tells me I can't (those little two somethings that should be past now). You already broke my little heart, when I had someone I could run to, but now I don't want to have to run to someone old... so, please, please, don't do it again.
I know I'm not as pretty, but you also knew that. You may not be as interesting as I initially thought, but now I know that and I still find you interesting. I don't want to have questions like this. I'm not usually jealous, but the smell of a lie can poison me.
Just answer all of my questions with your actions, please

and for the next week...

Chickenpox at my age... or my Peter Pan syndrome. It's true that I don't want to grow up, but this is a little too extreme, don't you think?

1.14.2011

lazy days

You make me wanna stay in bed the entire weekend, while it's cold outside...
(please don't let the cold come inside)

1.03.2011

Got fired by the breathing company

...because I messed up yesterday and forgot to breath for a moment...