It just occurred to me...

Será que me sentiria mais segura, se fosse mais bonita? Eu costumava achar que sim, mas acabei de ter uma epiphany e agora sei que não. Haverá sempre alguém "mais" (assim como alguém "menos") e isso não muda nada. O meu problema não é falta de beleza, é falta de segurança, and they say no one likes it...

Se calhar, qualquer coisa nao chega

Hoje eu disse: "Estou mesmo apaixonada", pela primeira vez. Damn it, nao parecia eu... E assustou-me muito.

E falei sobre a mesma pessoa durante horas, em modo metralhadora fonemica (ok, esta parte ja foi mais parecida comigo). E nao foi sobre o corpo, os olhos, o cabelo, as tatuagens ou a roupa. Foi sobre os projectos, os livros, as ideias, a musica, a idiossincrasia notada por todos (mas, desta vez, no bom sentido), o todo. A personalidade como um todo, pela primeira vez, em alguem. O querer enfiar-me num carro e percorrer uma estrada qualquer com essa pessoa e so com essa pessoa, durante muito tempo. O querer construir qualquer coisa...

Vou ali escrever um artigo e ja volto...

I wanna do bad (good) things...

Next time you thank me for everything, I'll just ask you if you want a bj, so you know why you were thanking. Just because it's something that you really make me wanna do...

And feels great to feel this again. Especially because I couldn't feel it with the Prince of Perfection...

*Please just don't mess up my bangs next time. Love, Elle.

p.s. thank you mirror

Thanks

A few days later, M&C did it... I'm getting used to be rejected. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...

Come on M&C, it's a good day to get your decision

At least it wouldn't be the only rejection of the day. And the funny thing is that it would have been the exact time window, which according to the time measures used by grown-ups is "too long" and it almost doesn't make sense that you bring the subject back now.

Life gave me tomatoes and I made tomato juice - simply speaking I just smashed the tomatoes against an ugly wall (of course this just makes sense in Portuguese- in English it would be more like: Never mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols, although I'm clearly lacking a Sid Vicious since I dumped the one that could have been). Btw, instead of a Sid Vicious I thought it would be less painful to deal with someone that looked wiser (at first glimpse only, of course) and Gods, I was so fucking wrong. Learn from me: Never pick the shallow guy, the dark tortured soul is, at least, caring.

Now, M&C make my life a little brighter today and reject me too, then I can say that my presentation is messed up because I got a paper rejected and still can't deal with that, instead of showing up with mascara running through my face and saying I just got completely dumped by someone who didn't know who Kusturica was and values Ivy League because of its style and not the wisdom. Clearly I can't follow the second hypothesis, people would think I'm crazy, a guy like that would be dumped by me (I wouldn't even be friends with him, actually) and not the other way around. Come on, my ego needs treats, and I know I can actually be part of the Ivy if I don't have anyone holding me back. So, in the long run, I'll probably have to thank you.

p.s. M&C - treat my ego a little more and give me a reason to celebrate or just a better excuse to look messed up.

picture of the day:

go ask!

If I told you I can easily forget you but not the way you made me feel, I would be lying. The truth is that I want to forget how you made me feel and it probably is really easy since I can't forget you. Can you see the difference? Life taught me to believe that effort is not a negative thing, we make an effort when we care and if we make an effort we add value, we give more of ourselves and we show more of our inner soul, we share fears and joys, we belong and long to embrace and cherish. We are ourselves and accept the others as they are, so if it were easy to forget you and I would only keep the way you made me feel it would mean I never truly embraced you, I never truly loved you and it had been only about myself and not about us. On the other hand, if I easily get over the way you made me feel but I can't get over you, it's because you were important enough to make me want to make an effort to know and understand you. As I believe that real valuable things need an effort to be created, contrary to your beliefs, the best is to forget the way someone made you feel but not the person. 

Here's you answer.